Cruel swimming coach mocks 16-year-old swimmer for being slow after 2 month break following his fathers passing: 'It’s a pity your dad couldn’t have [passed] a little later to save you from this practice'

Author image for Emmy Pratt
Emmy Pratt • Writer and Editor
Feb 1, 2025 6:00 PM EST

We all had that one teacher or coach who was randomly cruel to us for no reason. I will never forget my nefarious middle school P.E. teacher, Coach Wallace. For the first six weeks of the school year, he seemed to be just fine, but things took a turn for the worse when I got to be on the news during a school field trip. Our science class got to see real dinosaur bones near a local lake, and when I was being interviewed by a reporter about the experience, I said, "We're the only kids in the whole country who get to do anything like this!" To me, then and now, this was a flawless soundbite, an incredibly advanced one for a 13-year-old. To Coach Wallace, this was something to make fun of for the rest of the school year. I can still hear his voice in my head saying, "We're the only kids in the whole country who get to run laps!"

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  • To many former athletes, my tale of woe might sound extremely tame, and that's because it is. The light ribbing of Coach Wallace does not compare in the slightest to the harrowing ordeal the teenager in this story had to go through with his assistant swimming coach mere months after his father's passing. 

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    Cheezburger Image 10461998848
    via u/swim_fast_00

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    So I 16M, was at swim practice earlier today (6:30-8:30PM) and this is one of my first practices back after my dad passed in early December.
    via u/swim_fast_00
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    Cheezburger Image 10462001408
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    Anyways, I come in and get changed as usual, and then I get showered and head out to the pool deck. Keep in mind, I have gained a bit of weight since the last time they have seen me and I'm quite out of shape and struggling to keep up when we start the practice. My coach says welcome back and hugs me and
    via u/swim_fast_00
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    stuff and he basically catches me up on everything that's happened, what I've missed, etc. Then we start the warm up, it was quite difficult for me as I haven't swam in almost 2 months. To begin the warm up, we had to dive off the blocks, my dive was really slow and sloppy as I haven't practiced for a while.
    via u/swim_fast_00
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    We get out of the water for the coach to explain the main set and the coaches assistant (I think she's 38F but idk for sure) says "it's a pity your dad couldn't have di d a little later to save you from this practice" and she starts laughing and I'm fuming at this point. I tell her to PO and to not talk about things like that and I
    via u/swim_fast_00
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    left early. My mum has called the coach and told him that what was said today was unacceptable, and that she thinks it's disgusting that an adult who I should view as an authority figure to trust and look up to would say such things. AITA?
    via u/swim_fast_00
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    Cheezburger Image 10462002176
    via Christian Buehner

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    CrimsonKnight_004 NTA - OP, my jaw is on the freaking floor. No adult should say that to a kid, especially when that adult is in a position of authority. Heck, adults shouldn't even be speaking that way to other adults! That was cruel and heartless, and she should immediately be removed from her position. She has no business working with kids.
    via u/CrimsonKnight_004
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    I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope this person doesn't ruin swimming for you; it seems like it's something you're passionate about, and you should hold on as tightly to that as you can.
    via u/CrimsonKnight_004
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    swim_fast_00 OP It's just really annoying me now because I haven't even been back to school properly yet, I've been going in only 2-3 days a week because I just can't do it. Swimming used to be something I could do to take my mind off things but now it's like a chore. I already dreaded going back when I first took off in December, and now that I'm out of shape and struggling to keep up when I used to be the team captain and one of the best in the team with the added stress of her upsetting me wi
    via u/swim_fast_00
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    Putrid_Ant_649 You reacted better than I would've and I'm nearly 30.. I can't believe someone said that to you and I'm very sorry for your loss. This person should be ashamed of themselves and I hope it haunts them. Kudos to you for only telling them to PO. Don't let that moment take swim from you if it still brings you joy! Hobbies can be a great comfort in hard times.
    via u/Putrid_Ant_649
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    ReviewOk929 NTA "it's a pity your dad couldn't have did a little later to save you from this practice" and she starts laughing 1. It's a thing to say I worthy of a laugh 2. It's most certainly not 3. Absolutely right to tell others what happened and her to face the consequences of saying something SO to a child.
    via u/ReviewOk929
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    hollyjazzy NTA, that assistant coach needs to learn some empathy, sensitivity and be off coaching until they do. However, at 38, it's probably not going to happen. Sacking them should happen though. OP, I'm so sorry you lost your father so young, thats_ks. I lost my mother at 19, it's hard, and it will take a lot of time to process the grief. Your assistant coach deserves to lose their position for that nasty comment.
    via u/hollyjazzy
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    swim_fast_00 OP Yeah it's really tough losing my dad and I'm sorry about your mum. I've got 2 older brothers at university doing degrees so I don't even know what they feel like right now. It's been mostly just me and my mum the last two months and she has been trying to sort out dad's will since the start of January as he owned a business so there are lots of documents and other things to be signed and nobody in my family is able to take on the responsibility of the business. I would if I was o
    via u/swim_fast_00
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    because I just get overwhelmed with people and now every time I try to talk to someone they end up bringing up my dad saying "oh I'm so sorry" and stuff and I know they mean it in a good way but I just want to avoid it because every time I think about him I get upset. Even writing this post I'm a bit teary eyed. But the coach should be getting back to my mum tomorrow and hopefully by then she will either be gone or nearly gone. I don't think I'll go back to swimming until that coach is gone.
    via u/swim_fast_00
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    Academic-Dare 1354 NTA- you've got a good mom you glad she defended
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    swim_fast_00 OP She is still really upset by losing my dad, and I didn't want to put any stress on her or anything because she doesn't even go to work anymore she's moved to just working from home. I don't want to say what my dad's illness was online just yet, but even before he passed she had to stay home to help care for him. I have two older brothers who helped her but they couldn't stay any more than 3 days a week (they got to stay
    via u/swim_fast_00
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    home at Christmas for a week) because they are at university. It's been really tough for her and she's not had a break since he's been gone between work and sorting out documents and the will and everything I just didn't want to burden her with more stuff. I don't get why people have to be so mean sometimes.
    via u/swim_fast_00
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    BlaketheFlake As a mom, please know that we are never burdened by sticking up for our children. She would have felt terrible if you felt you couldn't share with her.
    via u/BlaketheFlake
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    Lullayable ΝΤΑ. She should be fired for saying that. I'm sorry for your loss OP. I think it's commendable that you've gone back to practice and I hope you remember to have compassion towards yourself while you navigate life after loss. Your mom is epic for chewing your coach out.
    via u/Lullayable
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    swim_fast_00 OP Thank you (and everyone else under this post) for being so nice. I really didn't want to go back to swimming today but I thought that if I start acting like normal she can relax a little bit more because she's been really worried about me recently. This assistant coach obviously didn't care about that plan though because now I don't think I want to go back until she's gone. We have a shortage of poolside/coaches assistants at our team especially for the older age teams and so I h
    via u/swim_fast_00
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    Fantastic_Mammoth797 NTA OP, I'm 23 now, and lost my dad myself when I was 8. Let me just say, if I could, I'd give you a huge bear hug. Losing a parent at any age is different, let alone as a kid or teen. And your mom is absolutely right, that comment from the assistant coach is absolutely disgusting. And I'm honestly so proud of you as well for defending yourself and telling her to off. She as the adult, and the adult in control being an assistant coach has absolutely NO right to say anything
    via u/Fantastic_Mammoth797
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    swim_fast_00 OP She's been not only r de to me but to everyone. She regularly body shames us (it's usually me because I'm the shortest on the team for my age group or else the tallest person on the team) she's really annoying me because I just don't think she's nice and like you said, she shouldn't be working with young people because who in the right mind jokes about a 16 year olds de d dad. In front of
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    them. Even the younger years at my school respect me enough to be nice to me and I've even had younger pupils come up and ask me if I'm okay which I appreciate. I wish the assistant coach could be nicer like them and actually do her job which is to provide support for the athletes she is helping to supervise and train.
    via u/swim_fast_00
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    swim fast_00 OP UPDATE: today my coach called my mum back and said that they want to hold a "restorative justice" (idk what this means) meeting with me, my mum, my coach, my assistant coach and the head coach. So we went into the pool and when we went in my coach was waiting for me and he walked us down to the area we do dry land (a gym with exercise equipment and mats and foam rollers for stretching, etc). There was a gap in the middle and there were chairs in a little circle and when we walked
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    distraught. Anyways, we sat down and the head coach asked me to explain my side of the story and so obviously I recapped me getting out of the pool to go and listen to my coach explain the main set when the assistant coach said the joke and I told her to po then I walked out. The coach then asked me "how do you feel about what (assistant coaches name) said about your father?" And so I told him that I felt like I wasn't good enough and that I was really upset by it and i was dreading going back t
    via u/swim_fast_00
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    inconvenience to the team and that it really did make me feel like I wasn't good enough. The head coach then tells me that what I'm feeling is valid and that I have a right to be upset. Then, he asks the assistant coach to explain her side of the story and why she said what she said. She said "I knew that his dad had passed away recently, but I didn't realise he had taken it so seriously and I meant it as a light hearted joke." And she stops and she wipes her eye and she is about to cry. She the
    via u/swim_fast_00
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    said it because (my name) is usually the first one finished and he usually flies through warm up but last night he looked like he was swimming through mud, I didn't mean my joke in a bad way I just thought it would encourage him to swim faster or a motivate him." My mum is livid at this point and she shouts at the assistant coach saying "how did you think joking about his dad would encourage or motivate him?" And I'm not going to say the rest because I might get banned from the app, but yeah. Th
    via u/swim_fast_00
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    In the end, my head coach made the call that her last day as an assistant coach is this Friday. My head coach is going to pass on what happened to all of the local swimming teams/clubs to let them know about her and what's she's said. I received a very lengthy apology letter and the head coach compensated me and my mum by paying a taxi company to give me a lift to and from swim practice when my mum is too busy to take me. I also got back my role as team captain since during my nearly 2 month bre
    via u/swim_fast_00

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